We have all experienced it. Someone does something on Facebook or Twitter and you find yourself thinking “Who does that?!”

I know it happens to me on a regular basis and the rule I always come back to is “Just because something is possible, does not mean you should do it.”

So let’s get right to it. Eight types of people/behavior we all encounter exclusively on the social web.

“The “Hi and Fly” Guy

This drives me up the wall! Now call me OCD but I like to respond to most people as quickly as I can. With very few exceptions, if you send me a normal message, whether on Twitter, Facebook, or somewhere else, I will answer you pretty instantly. My answer to your question might be “No” or “I can’t talk right now”, but I will try my best to give you the decency of a response.

Then there are those people who send you a message like “Hi” and when you respond “Hi”, they are gone. Disappeared. For like two hours. I always wonder what goes through that person’s head right before they send that message. “I think I will send the most pointless and contextless message to Hillel right now and when he answers, I think I will ignore him. Yes, I think that sounds like a reasonable thing to do. Let’s do that.”

Why?! Ok, I get it. You sent the message, then something came up. So then write, “sorry, gimme a few.” or “Be back soon.” Something! “Hi” then bye? Sigh.

“I’ll Like yours if you like mine.”

Ok, someone explain this one to me. You know the guy who like never talks to you or engages with your content till you like their picture or something, then all of a sudden, ten seconds later, he likes your picture back? You know, the guy you have spoken to on Twitter 100 times but never actually followed and the second you follow him, he follows you back? What is this? High school?

Just because I clicked like on your picture because, ya know, I genuinely liked it, does not mean you have to do anything in return. All is good and to be honest, viewing the web as a reactionary network is kinda strange for so many reasons.

The Professional Party Pooper

That guy, the guy that makes the awkward comment every single time! You post about your cat (please don’t) and he thinks now is the appropriate time to hijack your post and tell you about his Veganism. Or his extreme political views. Or worse.

Why? WHY?!

The Creepy Liker

You open your Instagram account and discover to your amazement just how creepy some people can be. This guy just liked your last 408 pictures one after the other? Clearly he inspected every single one of those 408 pictures in the span of 6 minutes and decided your artistic abilities deserved his support and admiration.

Or he is creepy and has a twitch in his thumb. Stop the creepy liking, dude. It is creepy. Did I mention creepy?

The Not-So-Humble Braggers

We are all guilty of this. Yes, yes, me too. “Proud to be mentioned…” “What an honor to be nominated…” Humblebrags. The action of self promotion sans the obnoxious nature of yelling “I am awesome!”

But then there are the ones that get it wrong. The ones that spend all day every day humblebragging minus the humble part. Subtlety, man. Google it. Your posts are making me throw up a little bit more every time.

The Guy Who Needs a Fishing Pole for His Birthday

See above. Subtlety. You need reassurance that you’re awesome? You feel like fishing for compliments on social is the way to go? You’re wrong. But if that’s your strategy, at least be a little subtle about and don’t post a Facebook update saying “I am so not awesome… Am I?”

Humanity thanks you.

“Must Get My Fix of Arguing!”

I would have to say that this guy annoys me more than everyone else on this list. Combined. I am telling you with full confidence that if I analyze comments from some of my Facebook community, there are 5-10 individuals who have a 99% argue rate. No matter what I say, no matter what anyone says, they absolutely MUST argue!

Right wing politics? “NO. LEFT!” Left wing politics? “NO. RIGHT!” The sky is blue? “NO. YELLOW!” Dude, stop! We get it, you have knowledge you would like to share and you think if you argue in the comments and share your wisdom, everyone will know how smart you are.

It may work. Once. Twice. Ten times. After the 400th argument, you are no longer seen as smart. You are seen as an annoying troll. So just stop arguing and go get a hug.

“The Brave Soul”

You are so brave. You know who you are. You share your opinions so openly. You speak your mind so freely. So courageous. Now, if you don’t mind, can you please update your Twitter egg profile picture with a real picture and add a name to your anonymous account?

Oh, what’s that? You have a private Instagram account, an anonymous Twitter account, and a fake name on Facebook. So brave. So so brave. Sigh.

Ah the social web. It is such an interesting place. The things people think are acceptable continue to amaze me but at least there’s never a dull moment. Oh, and if you are one of the people mentioned above, please stop it. Thanks.